Long time since I last updated, no? Oh dear, haha.
Looking back, I notice that I only blogged up until the second/third day of the seminar. In brief, I confronted some people about how I was being treated during the seminar, and Master K turned around and issued the explanation of "I was worried you were being lead astray. You're a good person." Hmmm. During one of the seminar days, I clashed shins with my buddy N, and cut muscle. Owing to that, I didn't attend one of the sessions. Turns out, they did an impromptu grading during that session, and all the rest of the red belts were promoted to black tag. I was not. There were no second chances for those not there, not even for those who had to go to work instead of a morning session.
It is because of this that I no longer care about the grading system (at least, not of this club). I was told continuously that "It was a shame you weren't there, we really wanted you to grade!", and the Grandmaster who held the seminar took me aside to say he saw ridiculous potential in me. Apparently he didn't see a black tag or a black belt, he saw a master, and that I should continue to my potential no matter what. Unfortunately words don't mean much if your actions don't back them up. I was the only red belt left behind. I don't believe I deserved the belt, but in the same vein I also don't believe certain others deserved their black tag either. It was given away.
To me, I can kick and fight to the level that I can. A belt is just a colour for others to arrogantly judge you by. If you're a white belt who can kick someone in the throat, then what does the belt matter? You can still achieve what you can achieve. I was graded recently in a class anyway. I did appalling due to health issues and was still told I did awesomely. Hmm.
Either way, I don't train as much as the club anymore. I help out in some kid classes and do some training when I can, but the club doesn't offer me much anymore. It feels like progression is slowed by inconsistency, free belts, and little discipline. Maybe it's the fact that I'm currently unemployed, my mum's on emergency dialysis, and my partner's anger at how I'm treated. Maybe I'll get my motivation back, but I feel jaded. FP went to a Kyukoshinkai Karate club yesterday. I watched for a bit and was far more excited watching for that 15 mins than I have been at my club in a while. Perhaps it's time for a change. But I'm close to black belt. Whilst it's just a colour, it's also easier to explain to people. It also feels like an end point, I'd be less of a failure. I'm a bit of a hypocrite with words, I know. We'll see how this continues, I guess! Getting a job will probably set me straight. I hope.
Anyway, this is already long enough, so until I next update!
