Here is a blog post.
So I did training and gym all week. Good stuff. Been looking at working with higher grades recently since I don't push myself enough. Also I always get told to go with higher grades. N said it the other day, haha. Bastard.
On Wednesday we did a complete hapkido lesson, which we haven't done in a while. I partnered with N and Mi, which was cool. I learned a lot more than I usually do with lower and less practiced grades. Also I like working with N because like he cares if I want to slack off, he'll make sure I put effort in! I did notice neither N nor Mi liked throwing me because I'm a girl. This is frustrating, but they need to learn more than me, so okay. I can live with that.
Today during squad, I realised Master K treats me unfairly. Favours me, that is. It's irritating because it's not helpful to me at all. Because I'm female, he seems to think I can't hold the bag when he kicks, and he never uses enough force when demonstrating on me, and doesn't floor me much. I still don't measure up to the guys. Also when I kicked the pad today with a front kick, he sort of folded in two a bit. This man is moved by no one, so it pissed me off. It's a bit patronising. I can see he's not doing it on purpose, but it's not helping me at all. I'm bad at being a woman, and I can't be a man. Bah!
Also I keep getting told I have 'strong legs'. Makes me feel weird. Like they're fat and stuff. Didn't help that I wore leggings and shorts today since it was gonna be a hot squad session and I didn't want to overheat. Showed off my fat, oddly proportioned legs (my calves are bigger than half the guys'. Gah). More cutting and gyming needed!
I think my sparring has improved a bit now I'm encorporating spinning and back kicks into it. There's a blue belt I fought who got hit a fair few times by me, which was cool. I also figured out how to fight this red belt, S, by watching his movements. He seems to like fighting me, but I always feel a step behind, haha.
I'm grading next Sunday. Hopefully to blue tag. I don't feel ready, but I never do, so. Life goes on!
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Friday, 22 March 2013
At the moment, training is going well. I am doing relatively well. N and I are having little competitions (he's a black belt so he usually wins). I did push ups on my knuckles on the school gym floor for karate, and Master L pointed out that N hadn't used his knuckles. Score one for me.
During patterns, Master K allowed me to learn tae gae, which is actually two belts above me, a blue belt red stripe pattern. That must mean I'm not doing badly, right? Haha. I'm putting a lot more effort in. Although I think I say that every blog entry, and eventually you can only put in 100%. Either way, I'm coming away from the sessions feeling beat.
Master K took some photos of us stretching for his website, and looking at them made me realise my flexibility has increased. Score. Onwards and upwards.
Not only all that, but I've lost weight thanks to my increase in exercise and lower input. I gym basically everyday, doing cardio and weights. It's important to get to a weight where I can fight fast. My sparring may not be great at the moment, but once I'm faster, it'll be easier.
An old black belt 2nd dan friend of Master K came along yesterday. He was in the world championships twice, once gold, once silver. I was very excited to train and talk to him, but he fell flat in my opinion. I don't mean he didn't have skill, but I found him to be more arrogant than necessary. He didn't appear to want to talk to colour belts much, and that irked me. Maybe it was just because I was tired and it was his first lesson back. Hopefully he'll get off his high horse. I know he won the world title, but I want to talk about how he did it, and aspire to be like him. There's nothing wrong with sharing that and basking in the glory with lower grades, imo.
Until then, I'll just keep pushing myself. My body is incredibly tired and achey all the time, but no pain no gain. It'll all help in the long run, or so I tell myself.
During patterns, Master K allowed me to learn tae gae, which is actually two belts above me, a blue belt red stripe pattern. That must mean I'm not doing badly, right? Haha. I'm putting a lot more effort in. Although I think I say that every blog entry, and eventually you can only put in 100%. Either way, I'm coming away from the sessions feeling beat.
Master K took some photos of us stretching for his website, and looking at them made me realise my flexibility has increased. Score. Onwards and upwards.
Not only all that, but I've lost weight thanks to my increase in exercise and lower input. I gym basically everyday, doing cardio and weights. It's important to get to a weight where I can fight fast. My sparring may not be great at the moment, but once I'm faster, it'll be easier.
An old black belt 2nd dan friend of Master K came along yesterday. He was in the world championships twice, once gold, once silver. I was very excited to train and talk to him, but he fell flat in my opinion. I don't mean he didn't have skill, but I found him to be more arrogant than necessary. He didn't appear to want to talk to colour belts much, and that irked me. Maybe it was just because I was tired and it was his first lesson back. Hopefully he'll get off his high horse. I know he won the world title, but I want to talk about how he did it, and aspire to be like him. There's nothing wrong with sharing that and basking in the glory with lower grades, imo.
Until then, I'll just keep pushing myself. My body is incredibly tired and achey all the time, but no pain no gain. It'll all help in the long run, or so I tell myself.
Sunday, 17 March 2013
Moving on from that last blog. I won't delet it because it will remind me that I can get through stupid hissy fits, so stop having stupid hissy fits. Ugh.
Anyway.
On Thurs we were taught by Master J, a 2004 world champ who trains with us. His teaching methods aren't widely received, people aren't a fan of how he trains I guess. I enjoy his lessons. He had us working on movement, how to step around people and take their openings, since no one expects you to go for an opening when you're moving OUT of the way. Along with this we did some sparring all at the same time in a line. We also did some sparring in front of the class, Master J choosing who faced who.
When doing line sparring, I didn't do too badly. One of the guys I faced was a blue belt, P. He tends to go heavy and loves his spinning kicks. Boy does he love his spinning kicks. I didn't do overly badly, but often I am cowed by the lack of space, bumping into other sparring partners.
In chosen partners I did better, but that's because my opponents were C, my white belt (she should be yellow by now ffs, grade you silly woman!) friend, and a tiny green belt who has beautiful kicks but absolutely no power. They were easy fights, even for me.
At the end of the class, I asked for some sparring advice from Master J. He told me I needed to work on evading every hit in a match. Which is what I began to practice in today's squad. I only fought one person, my brother of equal grade, and was told I appeared to be a "calculating fighter". I lost the fight on points, 5-2, but had good range and picked my shots.
I would be as stupid as I feel if I gave up the method right now since it didn't work for one match. It helped me fair against him better, and I simply need to work at it. It's all about practice and all that!
I've been taking progress photos of my body since the start of this year. I've made progress, but not 3 months worth of progress. I need to cut harder and work harder and stop being so damn weak all the time. If you want to achieve stuff, actually fucking do it, you whiney little fucker. I am hard on myself every so often, in case you couldn't tell. But the point is to work harder, get stronger, until you're at the point you strove to hard to get to. THEN you can relax a bit and take some time out.
Anyway.
On Thurs we were taught by Master J, a 2004 world champ who trains with us. His teaching methods aren't widely received, people aren't a fan of how he trains I guess. I enjoy his lessons. He had us working on movement, how to step around people and take their openings, since no one expects you to go for an opening when you're moving OUT of the way. Along with this we did some sparring all at the same time in a line. We also did some sparring in front of the class, Master J choosing who faced who.
When doing line sparring, I didn't do too badly. One of the guys I faced was a blue belt, P. He tends to go heavy and loves his spinning kicks. Boy does he love his spinning kicks. I didn't do overly badly, but often I am cowed by the lack of space, bumping into other sparring partners.
In chosen partners I did better, but that's because my opponents were C, my white belt (she should be yellow by now ffs, grade you silly woman!) friend, and a tiny green belt who has beautiful kicks but absolutely no power. They were easy fights, even for me.
At the end of the class, I asked for some sparring advice from Master J. He told me I needed to work on evading every hit in a match. Which is what I began to practice in today's squad. I only fought one person, my brother of equal grade, and was told I appeared to be a "calculating fighter". I lost the fight on points, 5-2, but had good range and picked my shots.
I would be as stupid as I feel if I gave up the method right now since it didn't work for one match. It helped me fair against him better, and I simply need to work at it. It's all about practice and all that!
I've been taking progress photos of my body since the start of this year. I've made progress, but not 3 months worth of progress. I need to cut harder and work harder and stop being so damn weak all the time. If you want to achieve stuff, actually fucking do it, you whiney little fucker. I am hard on myself every so often, in case you couldn't tell. But the point is to work harder, get stronger, until you're at the point you strove to hard to get to. THEN you can relax a bit and take some time out.
Friday, 15 March 2013
A friend posted a blog with the phrase "What do I see when I look in the mirror?". It's an interesting question.
When I look in the mirror, I see failure. I see a disappointment. Beyond all, I see a little girl who was too weak to keep her family together. Too weak to leave when she should have. I see trust issues and depression. That is what I see. And I've never seen it clearer than tonight.
This is absolutely not tkd related, but I don't care.
That is all for tonight.
When I look in the mirror, I see failure. I see a disappointment. Beyond all, I see a little girl who was too weak to keep her family together. Too weak to leave when she should have. I see trust issues and depression. That is what I see. And I've never seen it clearer than tonight.
This is absolutely not tkd related, but I don't care.
That is all for tonight.
Thursday, 14 March 2013
I've always managed to beat my older brother in fights when we've sparred and I'm taking it seriously. I don't like fighting him. I don't like how he's tense all the time and hit harder than necessary to make up for inflexibility and lack of polished technique. It's not a conscious style choice, but is frustrating nonetheless. On Wednesday when we sparred, I knocked his attack of my guard. He proceeded to spin the wrong way, and deliver a back kick with far too much force to my coccyx. Not only was it an illegal target and too powerful, he also came up low and hit my tailbone so it went up my spine (not literally, ouch!). It's still bruised now. Certain movements make the bruising known to me.
Because of this style, and my dislike of fighting him, I don't fight him well. When I fought him yesterday I won overall in points, 3-2. His aggressiveness angered me, and the fact that he has improved angers me. I train more than he does, I go to the gym more, and I feel like I'm falling behind. We both knew when we first started, that one of us would overtake the other. Maybe I will be the one who gets left behind. Which makes me feel rubbish overall. A red belt had been reffing our match, and when a master came over and seemed confused as to how he was scoring, it made me think that my shots probably didn't even count in reality/my brother's shots weren't being counted. I get frustrated easily.
I forget if I've mentioned this before, but I've started doing a karate lesson before my taekwondo on Wednesdays. The three of us who have come over from tkd are somewhat feared, despite the fact that two of us are the lowest ranks there (bar a 5 year old. We'll forgive him). They listen to us as though we are black belts, which is interesting. I feel I don't deserve that much respect as a lower belt.
Things are permanently rocking my personal life. I'd rather just go to a mountain somewhere and train. Be away from people. I need a holiday away from it all.
In good news, my friend who's started ITF taekwondo in London seems to be pretty serious about it. It's early days, only two weeks or so in, but if he continues, it will be nice to see someone with the same dedication. My black belt friend, N, has taken more of a shine to me. I think it's because we're going to the karate lesson together. He is useful in that I can use him for training and advice. He will be grading to Bo dan soon (1st degree), and I need to stay on his heels.
Perhaps a break from training and gym would be useful, but I don't think I could bring myself to do that. I am too stressed out with everything else to be able to let go enough. Oh well. On we push.
Because of this style, and my dislike of fighting him, I don't fight him well. When I fought him yesterday I won overall in points, 3-2. His aggressiveness angered me, and the fact that he has improved angers me. I train more than he does, I go to the gym more, and I feel like I'm falling behind. We both knew when we first started, that one of us would overtake the other. Maybe I will be the one who gets left behind. Which makes me feel rubbish overall. A red belt had been reffing our match, and when a master came over and seemed confused as to how he was scoring, it made me think that my shots probably didn't even count in reality/my brother's shots weren't being counted. I get frustrated easily.
I forget if I've mentioned this before, but I've started doing a karate lesson before my taekwondo on Wednesdays. The three of us who have come over from tkd are somewhat feared, despite the fact that two of us are the lowest ranks there (bar a 5 year old. We'll forgive him). They listen to us as though we are black belts, which is interesting. I feel I don't deserve that much respect as a lower belt.
Things are permanently rocking my personal life. I'd rather just go to a mountain somewhere and train. Be away from people. I need a holiday away from it all.
In good news, my friend who's started ITF taekwondo in London seems to be pretty serious about it. It's early days, only two weeks or so in, but if he continues, it will be nice to see someone with the same dedication. My black belt friend, N, has taken more of a shine to me. I think it's because we're going to the karate lesson together. He is useful in that I can use him for training and advice. He will be grading to Bo dan soon (1st degree), and I need to stay on his heels.
Perhaps a break from training and gym would be useful, but I don't think I could bring myself to do that. I am too stressed out with everything else to be able to let go enough. Oh well. On we push.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
My last training session was on Wed, and my next won't be until Sunday. What will I do?! Go the gym. Clearly. Haha.
I don't really remember Tues, but that is okay. I don't remember a lot.
On Wed, decided to go to two classes in the evening. First time doing this. One hour karate (wadokai), and then my usual Wed session. Nathan, my younger brother and I turned up early and messed about with a basketball we found. Pretty sweet to just mess about with sporty stuff.
The wadokai guys turned up, a bunch of not very enthusiastic kids of all ages. They were all in their traditional white, and didn't understand why we'd turned up in red taekwondo kit. Or even why we'd turned up at all. The sensei (teacher) who ran the session was also a master at our own club. He appreciated us being there for support since the wadokai and taekwondo groups all fall under the same club now. We did a quick warm up, and since we (the reds) were so enthusiastic about it, the wadokai lot quickly stepped up. We went into some line work, again with such vigour that the others caught on, even the five year old yellow belt was pushing himself!
We did a bit of padwork, showing the wadokai lot how to get it done, some self defence and even some patterns. We joked around and had fun, giving the class a great atmosphere. At the end, I was given a special mention by the sensei for helping out. He says I'm well on my way to becoming a really good instructor. I don't want to be one, but I do want the paper saying that I CAN if I want/need to, haha.
After the lesson, my younger brother, Bob, and I jumped into some light contact, no pads sparring. The wadokai guys watched us with an intensity that surprised us. Sensei explained we always do that at the other club. They looked like they wanted to join in one day. Bless them.
The second lesson was straight afterwards. I don't remember too much. I remember pushing my white belt friend more and more. I am tired of her lacking attitude holding me back. I push her more and more. She was so much better than I've ever seen her at the end of the lesson. She actually was trying to pressure me. In all fairness, I shouted at her a lot. But still! Improvement!
We did some sparring, and at one point I was with Master Lloyd. He has yet 'to land a proper hit' on me, according to him, and so he always wants to fight me one-on-one. I got some hits in that he wasn't expecting and he always gets annoyed that he can't 'get through my guard' or something. I do a lot based on instinct so I don't really know, haha.
I've been very unhappy with my body and myself recently. It would appear the further I get in my martial arts, the unhappier with my accomplishments I become. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the mirror walls at the gym and was just... almost disgusted. Which is weird because I've lost so much weight, and am a size 10 (UK), so it's not like I'm actually fat. And whilst my brain is aware of this fact, I honestly think I am fat. It's the beginnings of a mental disorder, but since I've got it under control I should be fine. It's just a mental thing, I'm sure. I'm going through a lot (I seem to say this every post), so maybe it's just stress. We'll have to see in a few weeks time. Apparently it takes 4 weeks to notice a change in yourself. So, let's shoot for that. Until then!
I don't really remember Tues, but that is okay. I don't remember a lot.
On Wed, decided to go to two classes in the evening. First time doing this. One hour karate (wadokai), and then my usual Wed session. Nathan, my younger brother and I turned up early and messed about with a basketball we found. Pretty sweet to just mess about with sporty stuff.
The wadokai guys turned up, a bunch of not very enthusiastic kids of all ages. They were all in their traditional white, and didn't understand why we'd turned up in red taekwondo kit. Or even why we'd turned up at all. The sensei (teacher) who ran the session was also a master at our own club. He appreciated us being there for support since the wadokai and taekwondo groups all fall under the same club now. We did a quick warm up, and since we (the reds) were so enthusiastic about it, the wadokai lot quickly stepped up. We went into some line work, again with such vigour that the others caught on, even the five year old yellow belt was pushing himself!
We did a bit of padwork, showing the wadokai lot how to get it done, some self defence and even some patterns. We joked around and had fun, giving the class a great atmosphere. At the end, I was given a special mention by the sensei for helping out. He says I'm well on my way to becoming a really good instructor. I don't want to be one, but I do want the paper saying that I CAN if I want/need to, haha.
After the lesson, my younger brother, Bob, and I jumped into some light contact, no pads sparring. The wadokai guys watched us with an intensity that surprised us. Sensei explained we always do that at the other club. They looked like they wanted to join in one day. Bless them.
The second lesson was straight afterwards. I don't remember too much. I remember pushing my white belt friend more and more. I am tired of her lacking attitude holding me back. I push her more and more. She was so much better than I've ever seen her at the end of the lesson. She actually was trying to pressure me. In all fairness, I shouted at her a lot. But still! Improvement!
We did some sparring, and at one point I was with Master Lloyd. He has yet 'to land a proper hit' on me, according to him, and so he always wants to fight me one-on-one. I got some hits in that he wasn't expecting and he always gets annoyed that he can't 'get through my guard' or something. I do a lot based on instinct so I don't really know, haha.
I've been very unhappy with my body and myself recently. It would appear the further I get in my martial arts, the unhappier with my accomplishments I become. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the mirror walls at the gym and was just... almost disgusted. Which is weird because I've lost so much weight, and am a size 10 (UK), so it's not like I'm actually fat. And whilst my brain is aware of this fact, I honestly think I am fat. It's the beginnings of a mental disorder, but since I've got it under control I should be fine. It's just a mental thing, I'm sure. I'm going through a lot (I seem to say this every post), so maybe it's just stress. We'll have to see in a few weeks time. Apparently it takes 4 weeks to notice a change in yourself. So, let's shoot for that. Until then!
Monday, 4 March 2013
Today, at 9pm, I am sat here staring at the board that I cannot break in training. I resent it, but with a quiet since of awe alongside it.
My master allowed me to take a board home so I could practice by myself. As I've said in prior blog posts, breaking is mostly psychological. The boards are not that thick, and whilst they are imposing to hit at full force, you'll end up more hurt if you don't hit it with your all. As a lower grade I was able to break. Now, it would appear my mind is having me hold a grudge and not allowing me to break. I am very self conscious of this fact. Many superiors tell me 'you've got the power, I've held a pad/bag for/been hit by you and I know you have more than enough power', but that means nothing if the boards don't break. I can't control my power, and I can't commit. Story of my life.
Thinking back to my gym session I realise how hard I am on myself, how negative I can be. Yesterday my friend told me he did 2k on the rowing machine, highest resistance, in 7.45 mins. Obviously this means I had to at least try and outdo him. I failed miserably. I got a new PR the other day, 2k in 9.33mins, but even when I maxed out today I only managed 9.07mins. So even when going at my best I can't even touch on his time. I should be happy that I shaved almost half a minute off my PR, but instead I feel sick that I can't do anything as well as anyone else.
My now black belt friend tells me that negativity can be good, it's a driving force, but right now I feel miserable and I don't want to do the things I used to really enjoy. I don't want to fight because I know I'll just end up kicked in the head by my black belt friend, or losing against someone my level/lower, which will tear me apart. I haven't lost enough weight, or my body hasn't physically changed as much as I want it to. I'm tired and stressed from personal issues but I can't seem to take a step back and chill.
If I'm not the best, what's the point.
I guess most people at this point would take a break, reflect, heal, move on. I won't. Even if I don't progress, training allows me to let off some steam. More than that, if I don't go to training, I feel I'll let my master down. He appears to think far higher of me than I deserve and not attempting to actually try would be an insult to all the support both and the club have given me. I hope this isn't the end for me, it feels like I'm burning out and becoming bitter at my friends joining and bettering themselves.
On a good note, despite being 30mins late to class today, I helped coached the kids. There's a few girls there who see me as their role model. It's nice in that they look up to me, not nice in that I don't like kids, and it's a hell of a lot of pressure to keep improving. But hey, the more girls the better, right? (I want to be the only girl, actually, but w/e)
I'm going to have a tea and sleep this off. Maybe it's just hormones and shark week. I'll know very shortly, I'd think, haha.
My master allowed me to take a board home so I could practice by myself. As I've said in prior blog posts, breaking is mostly psychological. The boards are not that thick, and whilst they are imposing to hit at full force, you'll end up more hurt if you don't hit it with your all. As a lower grade I was able to break. Now, it would appear my mind is having me hold a grudge and not allowing me to break. I am very self conscious of this fact. Many superiors tell me 'you've got the power, I've held a pad/bag for/been hit by you and I know you have more than enough power', but that means nothing if the boards don't break. I can't control my power, and I can't commit. Story of my life.
Thinking back to my gym session I realise how hard I am on myself, how negative I can be. Yesterday my friend told me he did 2k on the rowing machine, highest resistance, in 7.45 mins. Obviously this means I had to at least try and outdo him. I failed miserably. I got a new PR the other day, 2k in 9.33mins, but even when I maxed out today I only managed 9.07mins. So even when going at my best I can't even touch on his time. I should be happy that I shaved almost half a minute off my PR, but instead I feel sick that I can't do anything as well as anyone else.
My now black belt friend tells me that negativity can be good, it's a driving force, but right now I feel miserable and I don't want to do the things I used to really enjoy. I don't want to fight because I know I'll just end up kicked in the head by my black belt friend, or losing against someone my level/lower, which will tear me apart. I haven't lost enough weight, or my body hasn't physically changed as much as I want it to. I'm tired and stressed from personal issues but I can't seem to take a step back and chill.
If I'm not the best, what's the point.
I guess most people at this point would take a break, reflect, heal, move on. I won't. Even if I don't progress, training allows me to let off some steam. More than that, if I don't go to training, I feel I'll let my master down. He appears to think far higher of me than I deserve and not attempting to actually try would be an insult to all the support both and the club have given me. I hope this isn't the end for me, it feels like I'm burning out and becoming bitter at my friends joining and bettering themselves.
On a good note, despite being 30mins late to class today, I helped coached the kids. There's a few girls there who see me as their role model. It's nice in that they look up to me, not nice in that I don't like kids, and it's a hell of a lot of pressure to keep improving. But hey, the more girls the better, right? (I want to be the only girl, actually, but w/e)
I'm going to have a tea and sleep this off. Maybe it's just hormones and shark week. I'll know very shortly, I'd think, haha.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
In a few weeks I'll be taking my blue belt grading. Terrifying, to say the least. I'm not sure how ready I am. I know the blue belt pattern (I'm not meant to know it yet), and can perform it to a high standard, so clearly I must be not-fucking-terrible.
I started a cut in calories to drop more weight. I haven't really dropped much in the the two weeks since I started, but I think I've dropped fat, which is good. I don't really think it's working tooo great, but still. I go to the gym everyday, pretty much, and have ramped up the effort in training. I've realised how much I want to be black belt and have a kick ass body.
A friend has started taekwondo now, too. At first I was incredibly upset. He started at a different club, but the same ITF style. Since my club is the one really incredible passion I have, the thought of him starting at his and then getting better sucked. I still think he'll beat me in less time, which is depressing, but I realised it's not my club. Why be so selfish? It will be good to talk about it from a different club perspective!
The reason I think he'll beat is reinforced by the fact that at the gym, his personal best on the rowing machine is 7:45, and he's only been rowing a week. I did 9:30 (killed myself), and I've been rowing for aaaages now. If he can do that on the thing he hates (cardio), then I'm fucked when it comes to tkd. Wooo.
Anyway. My sparring has gotten worse recently, my padwork better. I was told to referee some point matches today, and it turns out I'm really good at it, or so my masters say. So, I can't fight, but I can tell other people that they can fight! Aha. Ack. That's a bit more depressing than I thought it'd be. But! In refereeing I realised how much I dislike one of the blue tags' attitudes. He was my second referee, so when the second ref and I disagreed on points, I was meant to look to him for a tie breaker. He kept shrugging and um'ing and urr'ing so much so that I had to drop loads of points (if all judges can't agree, the points are dropped). It frustrated me that he wasn't just saying "yes, I saw it" or "no, I didn't see it". In the end I didn't even bother looking to him.
That's his attitude in training in general. It frustrates the shit out of me. How can we be the same belt? Well clearly I suck as much as he does. And since he sucks. I suck. Aha.
Anyway, enough depressing talk! At least I can beat the white belts in the club! Better than nothing, right? RIGHT?
I started a cut in calories to drop more weight. I haven't really dropped much in the the two weeks since I started, but I think I've dropped fat, which is good. I don't really think it's working tooo great, but still. I go to the gym everyday, pretty much, and have ramped up the effort in training. I've realised how much I want to be black belt and have a kick ass body.
A friend has started taekwondo now, too. At first I was incredibly upset. He started at a different club, but the same ITF style. Since my club is the one really incredible passion I have, the thought of him starting at his and then getting better sucked. I still think he'll beat me in less time, which is depressing, but I realised it's not my club. Why be so selfish? It will be good to talk about it from a different club perspective!
The reason I think he'll beat is reinforced by the fact that at the gym, his personal best on the rowing machine is 7:45, and he's only been rowing a week. I did 9:30 (killed myself), and I've been rowing for aaaages now. If he can do that on the thing he hates (cardio), then I'm fucked when it comes to tkd. Wooo.
Anyway. My sparring has gotten worse recently, my padwork better. I was told to referee some point matches today, and it turns out I'm really good at it, or so my masters say. So, I can't fight, but I can tell other people that they can fight! Aha. Ack. That's a bit more depressing than I thought it'd be. But! In refereeing I realised how much I dislike one of the blue tags' attitudes. He was my second referee, so when the second ref and I disagreed on points, I was meant to look to him for a tie breaker. He kept shrugging and um'ing and urr'ing so much so that I had to drop loads of points (if all judges can't agree, the points are dropped). It frustrated me that he wasn't just saying "yes, I saw it" or "no, I didn't see it". In the end I didn't even bother looking to him.
That's his attitude in training in general. It frustrates the shit out of me. How can we be the same belt? Well clearly I suck as much as he does. And since he sucks. I suck. Aha.
Anyway, enough depressing talk! At least I can beat the white belts in the club! Better than nothing, right? RIGHT?
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