Everything is fucked up.

Recently I started dating FP. Through dating him, I started to become aware of little bits of the club that I wasn't meant to see. This is mainly because FP was so close to our master. I saw that one of the black belts wasn't treated fairly when he was the most loyal, I saw how other masters were talked about when they weren't there and such like. Beyond this, I saw how our master reacted to things.

A couple of weeks ago the Wednesday classes were stopped, owing to there not being enough students. The Monday classes went from being a junior and a senior lesson, to a slightly longer junior lesson. Feeling that I wanted to keep up my training, I began to look elsewhere for extra lessons. I would still do my normal tkd, just some extra. This would also help for my little side project. I never got around to actually going elsewhere. FP had talked to master K, and effectively told him he could not train elsewhere. FP said he wouldn't be stopped, and master K responded by saying at least do both clubs, and that he would train FP in MMA personally. During that conversation, apparently it came to light that I was not to train anywhere else ever. This was never said to my face. In fact, my master probed others about it behind my back, even after I had explained one of the reasons I wasn't at the club last Monday was because I took my mum to hospital. He hadn't believed me and thought I was at another club.

I do not enjoy being told I can't do something behind my back. I do not enjoy being thought of as a liar despite how fucking loyal I've been.

I am getting sick and tired of dealing with children. They automatically come to me now. During the seminar I was told the masters would step up and take the children off me, only for that to last five minutes. I was back with the children, learning nothing. The seminar week this week has three sessions a day (or it did). During one the waiting periods between sessions, I was asked by a parent (one I respect), to babysit. So I did. They were roudy, but roughly kept in line. Later, one of the master shouted at the adults there, FP, my brother, myself, for not keeping them in line enough. It wasn't our job. We did the best we could with lots of young, excitable, bored children. I shouldn't even be with them anymore, according to that same master.

On Tuesday, I didn't go to the seminar, even though I paid a LOT of money for it. I couldn't face the children. And now I am being called a traitor behind my back, that FP is leading me away. I am incredibly upset about all this, and just a little bit sick of life. Everyone and thing can fuck off, I can't deal with this.

I am alive! And yes, still training!

Lots has been going on. Right now, I train from 5:30-8:00 in the morning with FP. We run, stretch, and do hardcore training. I then go to work, work a full shift, and go training again in the evenings, 7:30-9:30. So quite a bit of training! Have already seen the improvement in working with FP in the morning. He can focus on one-on-one coaching, which is a bit beyond awesome.

FP and I are also working on a martial art project. We've both become fully invested, and are spending quite a bit of free time on it. Hopefully I'll be able to tell you more about it once it's all laid out and we're closer to the date we're hoping to make it public. Looking at end of October! Gonna be hard pushed, but it's possible!

What will become difficult is for us to make time for just off-days, just fun days and messing about. We both want to train hard, and to work hard on our project, but he's also saying to be strict on having some us time. Fair enough, but I will find that hard. I feel useless and lazy if the day isn't filled with training and work!

In just under two weeks time a grandmaster is coming to visit us and give a week long seminar. There will also be a 8th dan with him. We'll be training twice a day for seven days. 10:00-13:00 and then 19:00-21:00 or so. I am excited for this! I have that week off work so I can devote my time to it, and the inbetween seminar times to the project! I also have the week after that off, so can focus on training and project for a solid week. So excited.

One of the things we worked on in morning training today was kicking head height. The awesome thing was that I could actually apply it when it came to the evening class! Improvement in one day, awwww motherflip yes. You get out what you put in. I keep getting damaged, but you have to press on. If it's not serious enough to seek medical advice, push on. Obviously listen to your body, too, but get outside your comfort zone! I bummed my foot up this morning, but I managed to land a twin flying side kick today! So proud!

Anyway, I'm pretty beat, so catch you all around!