Everything is fucked up.

Recently I started dating FP. Through dating him, I started to become aware of little bits of the club that I wasn't meant to see. This is mainly because FP was so close to our master. I saw that one of the black belts wasn't treated fairly when he was the most loyal, I saw how other masters were talked about when they weren't there and such like. Beyond this, I saw how our master reacted to things.

A couple of weeks ago the Wednesday classes were stopped, owing to there not being enough students. The Monday classes went from being a junior and a senior lesson, to a slightly longer junior lesson. Feeling that I wanted to keep up my training, I began to look elsewhere for extra lessons. I would still do my normal tkd, just some extra. This would also help for my little side project. I never got around to actually going elsewhere. FP had talked to master K, and effectively told him he could not train elsewhere. FP said he wouldn't be stopped, and master K responded by saying at least do both clubs, and that he would train FP in MMA personally. During that conversation, apparently it came to light that I was not to train anywhere else ever. This was never said to my face. In fact, my master probed others about it behind my back, even after I had explained one of the reasons I wasn't at the club last Monday was because I took my mum to hospital. He hadn't believed me and thought I was at another club.

I do not enjoy being told I can't do something behind my back. I do not enjoy being thought of as a liar despite how fucking loyal I've been.

I am getting sick and tired of dealing with children. They automatically come to me now. During the seminar I was told the masters would step up and take the children off me, only for that to last five minutes. I was back with the children, learning nothing. The seminar week this week has three sessions a day (or it did). During one the waiting periods between sessions, I was asked by a parent (one I respect), to babysit. So I did. They were roudy, but roughly kept in line. Later, one of the master shouted at the adults there, FP, my brother, myself, for not keeping them in line enough. It wasn't our job. We did the best we could with lots of young, excitable, bored children. I shouldn't even be with them anymore, according to that same master.

On Tuesday, I didn't go to the seminar, even though I paid a LOT of money for it. I couldn't face the children. And now I am being called a traitor behind my back, that FP is leading me away. I am incredibly upset about all this, and just a little bit sick of life. Everyone and thing can fuck off, I can't deal with this.