I've been getting these depressive bouts recently. I've got lots of possible reasons for it, but don't really know why it's happening. But the thing that is letting people know is the fact that when I get them, I don't want to fight. This is both amusing and irritating. I haven't wanted to fight for a week or so now, but my red belt friend, who is also an instructor, thinks that what I actually want to do is fight stupidly hard and try to kill everyone ever.

Today we did cardio, which was fine. It is squad training after all. We then did some one-on-one sparring. This is where one person kicks/punches while the other blocks, and then the second person kicks/punches while the first blocks. Training this way allows you to spot and take advantage of openings without obliterating someone. Done fast it can look like normal sparring sans domination. I picked my way through my opponents, not really giving it my all, not really wanting to fight. Got away with it up until I met Nathan (monsieur red belt).

He's been fighting me harder and harder. Had I been at my best mentally this would be awesome. But not right now, Nathan, not right now. The idea of an 'easy session' went right out the window and I had to buck up least he bash my damn face in. Managed to hold my own against him and at one point (without thinking, actually) delivered a back kick. My master has been wanting me to do that for a loooong time, so he was happy, only after delivering it I didn't follow up, so Nath had time to deflect me.

After the fight Nath tried to congratulate me, but when I get like this I don't want to be congratulated, I think it all to be lies. I turned away from him to show this, and ran straight into my master who congratulated me, ahaha. Timing is everything. I guess.

Nathaniel called me later. He wanted to make sure I wasn't too down for whatever reason, since I put so much time and effort into training. I'm not writing about this to be all "LOOK, GIVE ME SYMPATHY" etc, I'm writing this to show that a dojang like ours is the best. The people train hard all the time, but have hearts of gold. Maybe you're not feeling your best, but sometimes you need to be pushed to get the most out of yourself, and your trainers cottoning onto this is the best.

Anwyay that's it for me. Ciao.