Just a quick blog so I can get it out of my head.

Yesterday's lesson was... interesting. In the junior class we did hon shin sul, which is self defense. I was going to help the tiny juniors out, but Master K sent me off to work with the seniors. I was in a group of three with a tall yellow belt, E, and the newly promoted black tag. It was quite fun. Did pressure point work, and E actually dropped me a few times, which was cool. New black tag, T, finds me quite awkward to work on, hehe. He can never quite get the technique right. It usually ends up with him at some point becoming frustrated and brute forcing it, where my right wrist tells me it's the left's turn now. It was cool though, to have them not too worried about hurting me in the way that M and N do (Now I have that phenomenom do do doo tune in my head).

The senior lesson is what kinda put me out a bit. We ran through patterns for the most part. Ramboneses has caught up on Tae Gae since yesterday and didn't need much help on it. And we all went through Ko Dang as a class until we could all do it. It put me out, not because we were doing it, that was cool, but because I've once again lost my edge over anyone else. I can never just be let to have my thing. Ramboneses always have to try and fucking one-up me because he needs to be the best in everything we both do. Martial arts doesn't get to be mine anymore, because friends and family are all doing it anyway, and now I can't even say I was the only one taught pattern X. On top of that, N says he's gonna start coming to junior classes as well as of next week. Which means invariably that Ramboneses will also.

I just want them all to fuck off. In the junior class I feel like I'm actually helping people, and I get to have a bit of attention, sure. But with everyone else doing it, they'll get the glory as they did when they were there from the start of the lessonsb before. Completely selfish, I know, but sometimes I like to have /something/ just to myself without everyone else doing it, and doing it to a better standard. I had thought martial arts was it, but clearly not. Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it and just be mediocre again, haha. Better than being bad, I guess!