In a few weeks I'll be taking my blue belt grading. Terrifying, to say the least. I'm not sure how ready I am. I know the blue belt pattern (I'm not meant to know it yet), and can perform it to a high standard, so clearly I must be not-fucking-terrible.

I started a cut in calories to drop more weight. I haven't really dropped much in the the two weeks since I started, but I think I've dropped fat, which is good. I don't really think it's working tooo great, but still. I go to the gym everyday, pretty much, and have ramped up the effort in training. I've realised how much I want to be black belt and have a kick ass body.

A friend has started taekwondo now, too. At first I was incredibly upset. He started at a different club, but the same ITF style. Since my club is the one really incredible passion I have, the thought of him starting at his and then getting better sucked. I still think he'll beat me in less time, which is depressing, but I realised it's not my club. Why be so selfish? It will be good to talk about it from a different club perspective!

The reason I think he'll beat is reinforced by the fact that at the gym, his personal best on the rowing machine is 7:45, and he's only been rowing a week. I did 9:30 (killed myself), and I've been rowing for aaaages now. If he can do that on the thing he hates (cardio), then I'm fucked when it comes to tkd. Wooo.

Anyway. My sparring has gotten worse recently, my padwork better. I was told to referee some point matches today, and it turns out I'm really good at it, or so my masters say. So, I can't fight, but I can tell other people that they can fight! Aha. Ack. That's a bit more depressing than I thought it'd be. But! In refereeing I realised how much I dislike one of the blue tags' attitudes. He was my second referee, so when the second ref and I disagreed on points, I was meant to look to him for a tie breaker. He kept shrugging and um'ing and urr'ing so much so that I had to drop loads of points (if all judges can't agree, the points are dropped). It frustrated me that he wasn't just saying "yes, I saw it" or "no, I didn't see it". In the end I didn't even bother looking to him.

That's his attitude in training in general. It frustrates the shit out of me. How can we be the same belt? Well clearly I suck as much as he does. And since he sucks. I suck. Aha.

Anyway, enough depressing talk! At least I can beat the white belts in the club! Better than nothing, right? RIGHT?